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Jul 23, 2009

Worst Baby Names for Gamers

It seems silly now to think that I was worried about my sister naming my newest nephew, Logan, other yuppy names like Brody or Mason (I guess she hoped to one day have him audition for 90210), when retarded authors like Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz are suggesting the worst baby names in the world in their book, Cool Names for Babies.

This book has categories for parents to look through like celebrity baby names or celebrity names, but for us geek parents, they have a videogame name category which is too funny. Check out some of the girl and boy names they listed under videogame names:

Girl Names

Aerith
Aoi
Astaroth
Bloodrayne
Cortana
Jaheira
Kairi
Lara
Pai
Paine
Quistis
Rikku
Rinoa
Rynn
Samus
Selphie
Shion
Shodan
Sora
Taki
Tifa
Yuna

Boy Names

Aidyn
Akuji
Alucard
Arc
Banjo
Cloud
Crash
Daxter
Ding
Goemon
Goku
Ico
Jak
Jojo
Kage
Kain
Kazooie
Kialos
Klonoa
Link
Majora
Maximo
Munch
Parappa
Raiden
Rygar
Ryu
Spyro
Squall
Tidus
Toan
Vyse
Yoshi
Zell
Zidan
Some of the names aren't so bad, but honestly who's going to name their baby girl, Bloodrayne? You pretty much doom her to a life of being a nasty bloody sucking vixen who has a hate-on for Nazis.

Also Paine? Yoshi? Spyro? Parappa? Kazooie? Alucard?! Come on, don't they know that's just Dracula spelled differently? What the frig is wrong with these women? Did they just randomly pick names from the internet just to fill a space in their book? Heck, Sora isn't even a girl's name, its a boy from the Kingdom Hearts series, you dumb broads!

Now, if you wanted to know some good videogame names, try some real names that real people might name their kids like these girl names, Zelda from Legend of Zelda, Alyx from Half Life, Lara from Tomb Raider or Jade from Beyond Good and Evil. For boys, Mario from Super Mario Bros., Gordon from Half-Life, Chris or Leon from Resident Evil or Cid from any Final Fantasy game. Those are videogame names that won't get your kid's ass kicked at school.

Next time, ladies do your research and don't ever suggest that list again as cool.

[Via Ottsel's IGN Blog]

20 comments:

That Girl said...

As I started reading the list I thought the same exact thing as you, random names picked and no research for this list AT ALL.

I am all for geeky names, but I agree some are just way ridiculous

lol, why would someone name their son Banjo? But I guess if the person has twins you can name the other Kazooie

Faith said...

Or maybe if you live in the Southern United States? "Com'ere Banjo! Kazooie! It's time to eat your road kill."

Twin names would be fun to figure out - maybe Palom and Porom from FFIV.

Dave said...

Y'all best be fixin up fer supper!

WTF is up with this list? I'm hoping the wife will let me hijack our first kids middle name. I'm going 1Bit, Paula or Ness.

Anonymous said...

I'm not personally a fan of picking names that get my kids ass kicked in school. If he (or she) is anything like me, the crippling akwardness is enough without the second crutch.

linda said...

I'm one of the co-authors of the book "Cool Names" and have to say that I'm surprised that you didn't realize that those video game namess were offered tongue-in-cheek as examples of what might inspire parents of the next generation if trends continue as they're going. We certainly weren't suggesting that anyone name their kid Bloodrayne!
Linda Rosenkrantz

Faith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
That Girl said...

I would like to add Kitty-N for the girls names and Gas-O for boys, this list needs some Bust a Groove on it.

Faith said...

If trends continue? So what gamers are going to be as hollow as celebrity gossip mag readers and name their kids, Bloodrayne cause its trendy?

Somehow I doubt it.

Nancy said...

I know of a baby Ganon. (The parents found it more stylish than Link, I suppose.)

Maya said...

WTF? Parappa?

Oh dear... poor thing.

Barb said...

Save for, at least, Bloodyrayne, at least most of these names are somewhat better than "Violence" or "Number 16 Bus Shelter." Yes, people have actually named their children that (and, yes, they actually got those names registered with the government!)

Angie said...

While I agree that most of these names are un-usable, some of them are alright. My 15 month old daughter's name is Kairi. I see nothing wrong with that. She get's compliments all the time on her name, and I am grateful she won't be sitting in a classroom one day as an Emma among 8 other Emma's.

I highly doubt she will receive school yard butt kickings for her name. It's really up to the parent to use discretion.

Don't get me wrong... I think "Banjo Kazooie Smith" is completely wrong. I just don't think all video game names should be dismissed. So what if a parent loves video games, and finds inspiration to name their child after a favourite character or something? People do it all the time with celebrities, movies, tv shows, why should video games be given a bad name rap?

That Girl said...

Oh and I agree that there are some really great video game names out there, I just think this list wasn't very well researched.

Kairi is a great name, Waluigi is not.

Anonymous said...

Btw sora is a guy from kingdom hearts kairi would b a girl

Faith said...

I know that - the author of the book didn't

Anonymous said...

We actually like the name cortana and are considering it. She could be called cort or tana for short.

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Anonymous said...

My daughter is due in 3 months, and we're totally naming her Cortana. Halo has a special place in my heart and I'm lucky enough that the Husband is willing to go along with it. We're going to call her "Tana" for short.

Chimalli said...

Well Sora is actually a unisex name. We have KH's Sora, a boy but we also have Digimon's Sora, a girl etc. it just means sky

Celeste Felton said...

My daughter's name is Cortana Rose and I love it. We actually get complements on how pretty it is (even with Windows coming out with their siri named Cortana about a year after she was born). We call her Tana most of the time.