The Manliest Men of Final Fantasy

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XII for the last few days and I’ve come to the realization that SquareEnix needs to be reminded what a real man looks like. Every male character in the game is prettier looking then all the females in the game, except Fran … no one is hotter than Fran. Honestly if I see one more male character whose hair makes him look like he’s part bird, I am going to scream.

I’m sure everyone will argue that pretty boys are in right now and that’s great and all, but I don’t feel confident in heroes that use more hair products than me. Sorry but that’s just the way I feel. I mean you look at Van and his chest looks like a tanning accident gone wrong and tanning is something only girlie men do.

So to give SquareEnix a little reminder on what men should look like in the next Final Fantasy game, I present to you “The Manliest Men of Final Fantasy”.

Guy from Final Fantasy II aka Gus from Final Fantasy Origins

Guy was a barbarian like warrior who was raised in the wild. He doesn’t talk much, but he does have the ability to talk to beavers. Guy is known more for his physical strength than his intelligence. His main weapon was an axe.

He’s strong, wild and talks to beavers … that sounds like a real man to me.

Xande from Final Fantasy III

Xande, an evil sorcerer who was given the unhappy gift of mortality by his master, the Cloud of Darkness, is a force to be reckoned with. Built like a body builder, Xande chooses to remain in the background until he is ready to fight the party.

He’s big, he’s buff and he’s a bad guy; a true manly man.

Gutsco the Rogue from Final Fantasy III

Gutsco is a one winged thief who steals the Ice Horns from the dwarfs in order to gain the power of the fire crystal. Gutsco is built strong for physical fighting, but can also change into a giant salamander at will for more fierce battles. His character tends to carry a giant snake with him too.

Gutsco is another strong hunk of man. He likes the idea of power and enjoys reptiles. Add a waterbed and you have another perfect manly man.

Yang Fang Leiden from Final Fantasy IV

Yang, a warrior monk and only survivor of an attack on his temple, is an expert in martial arts. He sacrifices himself to prevent a canon from destroying the dwarven tanks, but survives again to later drive a tank to stop the Giant of Babel from destroying the world.

He not only survives two life threatening situations, but he also sports a wicked Magnum P.I. moustache. For that Yang is a man’s man, even though he’s a monk which usually means he isn’t getting any love from the ladies.

Sabin Rene Figaro from Final Fantasy VI

Sabin is a student of the martial arts, though he looks more like Mr. Universe contestant. His special ability is called the Blitz, which allows him to pull off different martial arts moves. Sabin and his brother Edgar, both heirs to the throne of Figaro, toss a coin to decide who remains to rule and who leaves to seek their destiny elsewhere. Sabin is the one to leave home and goes to learn the martial arts from Duncan. Sabin later defeats Duncan’s son, Vargas, who tried to kill Duncan.

At one point in the game, Sabin holds up an entire house to save a child. Now that’s a sign of a true man. Plus the cool "Guile from Street Fighter" hair doesn’t hurt.

Shadow from Final Fantasy VI

Shadow aka Clyde is a paid assassin and mercenary who travels with his dog, Interceptor aka Lobo. Shadow always works for the highest bidder and follows his own path. He possesses the special skill of throw which allows him to toss any weapon at his enemies.

Nothing is manlier than a ninja. Interceptor at his side to attack enemies at random just adds to his coolness.

Banon from Final Fantasy VI

Banon is the leader of a group of rebels called The Returners, whose cause is to bring down the evil Empire. Banon’s special skill is health which is cast on the entire party for partial healing. The Returners’ fate is unknown at the end of the Final Fantasy VI.

Banon is one hairy bugger. He looks like a lion with his long red hair, mustache and beard. Obviously Banon is a manly man or why else would The Returners make him their leader?

General Leo Cristophe from Final Fantasy VI

General Leo is one of three leaders of the Empire’s armies. Leo is powerful leader, but prefers peaceful endings to his battles, if he can swing it. His special skill is Shock, a power attack that creates a column of energy from his sword. In the end, Leo sees the evil in the Empire, but is killed by Kefka defending the town of Thamasa.

Sporting a wicked Mohawk and sense of justice and honor, General Leo is one cool guy. His shock skill was the best skill in the game and had many players searching for the rumored way of resurrecting his character for use.

Barret Wallace from Final Fantasy VII

Barret is the leader of AVALANCHE, a group of rebels fighting against the evil Shinra Corporation which is killing the planet. He lost his right forearm during an encounter with Shinra years ago and had it replaced with a powerful gun prosthetic.

Looking like Mr. T with a crew cut, Barret is one bad motherf*cker. Shut your mouth. Barret is a great example of the manly characters that SquareEnix is now lacking in their games. To all the game designers on future FF games, pay attention to this guy because he is what real men look like.

Cid Highwind from Final Fantasy VII

Cid is a grumpy, foul-mouthed pilot who dreams of flying a rocket into space. He dreams are put on hold when the rocket malfunctions and Cid’s assistant aborts the launch. Cid’s weapons of choice are spears and lances.

Cid is always pictured with a smoke in his mouth and a pack of smokes tucked in his goggle’s strap. Any man willing to smoke around rocket fuel must have big set of balls in my book. Cid reminds me of the old World War II aviators that risking their lives each time they went up against the enemy in the skies.

Rude from Final Fantasy VII

Rude is a bald-headed bad*ss that is never seen without his sunglasses. Trained as an assassin and sniper for the Turks, a group controlled the Shinra Corporation. Able to take huge amounts of damage, Rude has inhuman strength and tends to fight with his fists, much like Tifa.

Looking like Agent 47, Rude is another great example of a manly figure. With a goatee, bald head and multiple piercing, Rude’s look screams “Don’t mess with me, biatch”. Even in the movie, Rude is bashed over the head with a billboard and still comes back to fight.

Ward Zabac from Final Fantasy VIII

Ward is a friend of Laguna’s who lost his voice in battle. He’s a big body builder type that carries a harpoon and never leaves the side of his friends. Laguna is lucky enough to understand Ward’s gestures and facial expressions enough to translate them into words. Ward becomes an official in Esthar, along with Laguna.

Silent and carries a big harpoon. He sounds manly to me.

Amarant Corel from Final Fantasy IX

Amarant is the typical “lone wolf” character that seeks his revenge against Zidane for framing him. Amarant is a huge, pale-skinned guy with flaming, red dreadlocks. He was a security officer at a mansion in Treno, and framed by Zidane for a robbery he didn’t commit. Hired as a mercenary to retrieve a pendant from Princess Garnet, Amarant ends up joining the main group as a playable character after a series of events.

Amarant is another perfect example of manly character. He looks and acts the part of a strong male character. No feathered hair and tanned skin here.

Sir Auron from Final Fantasy X

Sir Auron is a guardian of Yuna, and a previous guardian of her father, Lord Braska. Auron is an older gentlemen trained in the ways of the Samurai. He carries a katana and leaves his arm in his coat until he’s ready for battle. Players find out that Auron was killed during his pilgrimage with Lord Braska and is now an unsent.

Auron come back from the dead to help Tidus and Yuna in defeat sin which has got to be a hard thing to pull off. Most unsent become monsters and yet Auron doesn’t. That takes strength. He also wears a kick*ss pair of sunglasses.

Cid from Final Fantasy X

Leader of the Al Bhed, Cid is Rikku's father and Yuna's maternal uncle. He was the man responsible for bringing the Al Bhed together after being scattered by Yevon years ago, but their home was devastated during a Guado attack to kidnap Yuna, and eventually destroyed. Cid is a tall, bald man that reminds me of a tough as nails general.

Cid sounds like an army general and looks like Patrick Steward on steroids. Good enough for me.

If you think I missed some characters or disagree with one of my choices, by all means, post it in the comments field along with your reasons.