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Feb 23, 2007

The Manliest Men of Final Fantasy

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy XII for the last few days and I’ve come to the realization that SquareEnix needs to be reminded what a real man looks like. Every male character in the game is prettier looking then all the females in the game, except Fran … no one is hotter than Fran. Honestly if I see one more male character whose hair makes him look like he’s part bird, I am going to scream.

I’m sure everyone will argue that pretty boys are in right now and that’s great and all, but I don’t feel confident in heroes that use more hair products than me. Sorry but that’s just the way I feel. I mean you look at Van and his chest looks like a tanning accident gone wrong and tanning is something only girlie men do.

So to give SquareEnix a little reminder on what men should look like in the next Final Fantasy game, I present to you “The Manliest Men of Final Fantasy”.

Guy from Final Fantasy II aka Gus from Final Fantasy Origins

Guy was a barbarian like warrior who was raised in the wild. He doesn’t talk much, but he does have the ability to talk to beavers. Guy is known more for his physical strength than his intelligence. His main weapon was an axe.

He’s strong, wild and talks to beavers … that sounds like a real man to me.

Xande from Final Fantasy III

Xande, an evil sorcerer who was given the unhappy gift of mortality by his master, the Cloud of Darkness, is a force to be reckoned with. Built like a body builder, Xande chooses to remain in the background until he is ready to fight the party.

He’s big, he’s buff and he’s a bad guy; a true manly man.

Gutsco the Rogue from Final Fantasy III

Gutsco is a one winged thief who steals the Ice Horns from the dwarfs in order to gain the power of the fire crystal. Gutsco is built strong for physical fighting, but can also change into a giant salamander at will for more fierce battles. His character tends to carry a giant snake with him too.

Gutsco is another strong hunk of man. He likes the idea of power and enjoys reptiles. Add a waterbed and you have another perfect manly man.

Yang Fang Leiden from Final Fantasy IV

Yang, a warrior monk and only survivor of an attack on his temple, is an expert in martial arts. He sacrifices himself to prevent a canon from destroying the dwarven tanks, but survives again to later drive a tank to stop the Giant of Babel from destroying the world.

He not only survives two life threatening situations, but he also sports a wicked Magnum P.I. moustache. For that Yang is a man’s man, even though he’s a monk which usually means he isn’t getting any love from the ladies.

Sabin Rene Figaro from Final Fantasy VI

Sabin is a student of the martial arts, though he looks more like Mr. Universe contestant. His special ability is called the Blitz, which allows him to pull off different martial arts moves. Sabin and his brother Edgar, both heirs to the throne of Figaro, toss a coin to decide who remains to rule and who leaves to seek their destiny elsewhere. Sabin is the one to leave home and goes to learn the martial arts from Duncan. Sabin later defeats Duncan’s son, Vargas, who tried to kill Duncan.

At one point in the game, Sabin holds up an entire house to save a child. Now that’s a sign of a true man. Plus the cool "Guile from Street Fighter" hair doesn’t hurt.

Shadow from Final Fantasy VI

Shadow aka Clyde is a paid assassin and mercenary who travels with his dog, Interceptor aka Lobo. Shadow always works for the highest bidder and follows his own path. He possesses the special skill of throw which allows him to toss any weapon at his enemies.

Nothing is manlier than a ninja. Interceptor at his side to attack enemies at random just adds to his coolness.

Banon from Final Fantasy VI

Banon is the leader of a group of rebels called The Returners, whose cause is to bring down the evil Empire. Banon’s special skill is health which is cast on the entire party for partial healing. The Returners’ fate is unknown at the end of the Final Fantasy VI.

Banon is one hairy bugger. He looks like a lion with his long red hair, mustache and beard. Obviously Banon is a manly man or why else would The Returners make him their leader?

General Leo Cristophe from Final Fantasy VI

General Leo is one of three leaders of the Empire’s armies. Leo is powerful leader, but prefers peaceful endings to his battles, if he can swing it. His special skill is Shock, a power attack that creates a column of energy from his sword. In the end, Leo sees the evil in the Empire, but is killed by Kefka defending the town of Thamasa.

Sporting a wicked Mohawk and sense of justice and honor, General Leo is one cool guy. His shock skill was the best skill in the game and had many players searching for the rumored way of resurrecting his character for use.

Barret Wallace from Final Fantasy VII

Barret is the leader of AVALANCHE, a group of rebels fighting against the evil Shinra Corporation which is killing the planet. He lost his right forearm during an encounter with Shinra years ago and had it replaced with a powerful gun prosthetic.

Looking like Mr. T with a crew cut, Barret is one bad motherf*cker. Shut your mouth. Barret is a great example of the manly characters that SquareEnix is now lacking in their games. To all the game designers on future FF games, pay attention to this guy because he is what real men look like.

Cid Highwind from Final Fantasy VII

Cid is a grumpy, foul-mouthed pilot who dreams of flying a rocket into space. He dreams are put on hold when the rocket malfunctions and Cid’s assistant aborts the launch. Cid’s weapons of choice are spears and lances.

Cid is always pictured with a smoke in his mouth and a pack of smokes tucked in his goggle’s strap. Any man willing to smoke around rocket fuel must have big set of balls in my book. Cid reminds me of the old World War II aviators that risking their lives each time they went up against the enemy in the skies.

Rude from Final Fantasy VII

Rude is a bald-headed bad*ss that is never seen without his sunglasses. Trained as an assassin and sniper for the Turks, a group controlled the Shinra Corporation. Able to take huge amounts of damage, Rude has inhuman strength and tends to fight with his fists, much like Tifa.

Looking like Agent 47, Rude is another great example of a manly figure. With a goatee, bald head and multiple piercing, Rude’s look screams “Don’t mess with me, biatch”. Even in the movie, Rude is bashed over the head with a billboard and still comes back to fight.

Ward Zabac from Final Fantasy VIII

Ward is a friend of Laguna’s who lost his voice in battle. He’s a big body builder type that carries a harpoon and never leaves the side of his friends. Laguna is lucky enough to understand Ward’s gestures and facial expressions enough to translate them into words. Ward becomes an official in Esthar, along with Laguna.

Silent and carries a big harpoon. He sounds manly to me.

Amarant Corel from Final Fantasy IX

Amarant is the typical “lone wolf” character that seeks his revenge against Zidane for framing him. Amarant is a huge, pale-skinned guy with flaming, red dreadlocks. He was a security officer at a mansion in Treno, and framed by Zidane for a robbery he didn’t commit. Hired as a mercenary to retrieve a pendant from Princess Garnet, Amarant ends up joining the main group as a playable character after a series of events.

Amarant is another perfect example of manly character. He looks and acts the part of a strong male character. No feathered hair and tanned skin here.

Sir Auron from Final Fantasy X

Sir Auron is a guardian of Yuna, and a previous guardian of her father, Lord Braska. Auron is an older gentlemen trained in the ways of the Samurai. He carries a katana and leaves his arm in his coat until he’s ready for battle. Players find out that Auron was killed during his pilgrimage with Lord Braska and is now an unsent.

Auron come back from the dead to help Tidus and Yuna in defeat sin which has got to be a hard thing to pull off. Most unsent become monsters and yet Auron doesn’t. That takes strength. He also wears a kick*ss pair of sunglasses.

Cid from Final Fantasy X

Leader of the Al Bhed, Cid is Rikku's father and Yuna's maternal uncle. He was the man responsible for bringing the Al Bhed together after being scattered by Yevon years ago, but their home was devastated during a Guado attack to kidnap Yuna, and eventually destroyed. Cid is a tall, bald man that reminds me of a tough as nails general.

Cid sounds like an army general and looks like Patrick Steward on steroids. Good enough for me.

If you think I missed some characters or disagree with one of my choices, by all means, post it in the comments field along with your reasons.


MC said...

I think a lot of people hated MGS2's Raiden with such intensity because he was literally a wispy androgenous Final Fantasy prettyboy, and when compared to some of the badasses in MGS, well, he really comes off badly.

I think an argument can be made for Edge and Tellah in Final Fantasy IV fitting the category as real men.

Nicholas Saine said...

I just want to say that I love your site real quick before I post this rant,

Shadow, the ninja from FFVI with her dog the interceptor has been confirmed to be a girl.

How? Put simply (and confirmed on several other gaming sites) she can equip all the "girl" exclusive accesories including brooches, crowns and Ribbons. So, while she is a badass and she has more balls than more guys I know, the fact remains that she is still just that.

Faith said...

I thought that too for another rumour I heard about Shadow, but if you played out some of the extra dream sequences in the game with Shadow, you find out that he is a he and that his name is Clyde.

There was a game glitch that made people think that he was a she, but it was only a glitch. In the cave, where you are suppose to find either Shadow or Relm, either one is referred to as her, but it was only a mistake made by the programmers.

Sorry, but Shadow is a guy.

Kid Dork said...

Just curious as to how you're finding FF 12--and I do agree with you that Fran is the sexiest thing so far in the game. (But being a guy with a thing for women with bunny ears, perhaps I'm just easy to please.)

I made the mistake of trying to play this game sans walkthrough--and was screwed royally. So now I"m dutifully following the walkthrough, and have become slightly less screwed. Still, it looks gorgeous, so much is forgiven.

Your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Just some minor info, but Yang from FF IV has a wife. Thus, he does get some sort of action despite being a monk. She's there for the send off when the party sets sail for Baron. She also gives Cecil a frying pan to wake up Yang when she knows he's out there alive. She's also there in the ending.

However, being able to talk to his wife in such manners without showing fear of getting a frying pan to his face shows just how manly Yang can be.

Alex said...

If I remember correctly Yang was cheating on his wife with a fairy at some point after he got hurt...

Anonymous said...

I don't actually play the game but I found your comments hilarious!:D Is there any chance of actually putting pictures of said manly men up at some point too? Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

Nice picks, but what about Basch from FFXII? He's pretty damn manly.

Anonymous said...

Yang did NOT cheat on his wife with a fairy!!! several fairies saved him from death and got him back to health. if you actually payed attention to the story you would know that. you use the frying pan on him to wake him up and go back and forth from him to his wife and his wife finally gives you the legendary 'SPOON' which is the strongest throwing weapon in the game and you only get 1 of them.

Anonymous said...

Van is Perfect, HOT \o/

Anonymous said...

honestly, who cares about how "manly" a character is. they are just that. characters. if u dont like it, then maybe you shouldn't play the games. im a big final fantasy fan, and if you want an opinion about looks of the characters, yeah, they could have done better. in FF XII muscles(abs and such) on the characters(not including cut scenes) are horrible. if your abs are made of lego pieces, then you should be a model for Square Enix. but besides that, the hair adds style to a character, and i've noticed girls love pretty-boys in games, and i think its an attempt at getting both genders to play the games.

Anonymous said...

I think that there are a lot of pretty boys in the games but thats what makes them hot. For example Cloud from FF VII or whatever is not the girliest boy in the game. Same with Leon. They're both kinda of pretty boys but they are both bad*ss dudes.

Mary said...

I absoloutly love Tidus, Cloud and all the final fantasy pretty boys! There gourgous! I wish real men were more like them. I would hate a man like fatty Barret or old smelly Cid or Ward or old man Auron. What are you on? Cant you resist the hot, athletic, sexy attitude and totally brave caring hero Zack Fair! I end up dazzing in a dream everytime I p;lay crisis core and hear his voice! Why have sqaure made a character as sexy as him AND i CANT HAVE HIM!!! I hate it! ( sorry for the rant, I just love exporessing my love for Zack Fair, I think he is gourgous!) He has such an outgoing and strong attitude, I woiuld love to take him out clubbing, but the likes of depressing Cloud and Sqaull need to learn a lesson from him. Tidus is sorta sexy but too in my face and stupid. Zack just does everything right! He is a real man!

Mary said...

OK sorry its me Mary again.
I just noticed a comment that says Vaan is hot?! Vaan is a stupid silly typical american nerd! He is like the worst version of Aladin! As you all probably know Zack Fair is the sexiest mascot of Final Fantasy as should be. But I think Zidane is so sexy adn before Zack, I used to fancy him in my childhood, I always dreamed I was Garnet and he was my Prince. So Zidane is totally strong, muscular, athletic and sexy attitude as well. ( Thats what i loive!) Reno from the turks is a sexy badass babe I admit to loving! He is totally sexy. Tidus is sexy but i hate his voice and some things he says, but he has beautiful looks and sometimes sexy. Zell from final fantasy 8 is nice enough but not like trhe rest, Sqaull is to depressing to like but still kinda pulls me. Cloud is absoloutly gourgous in advent children and in final fantasy 7 i loved watching his sexy arms swing the sword back after battle, but same as sqaull his deporessing attitude and inverted attitude totally put me off and just left a little on me. (I get so jealous when aeris makes jher move for him, and i totally hate her cause zACK LOVES HER and that always left me with no hope!)

Faith said...

To each their own - I like my men to look like men and not women. That's just me.

drno said...

Why do they do this? I don't get it. I can't play these games with anyone watching.

CaptPoco said...

I like my men to look like women, thank you very much. And second (third?) to saying Vaan is the ultimate hottie, but that's probably just cause he dresses like a stripper.